Daily Kos

Email: bipm04103@yahoo.com

Featured Writer at Daily Kos and author of the Koufax Award-winning 'Cheers and Jeers,' snarking the world for 4 years. Motto: "Judge me on the content of my character, not the underwear on my head."

Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

Thu Jul 24, 2008 at 04:19:26 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

If...

You don't know how to use the internet, you don't know that Czechoslovakia is no longer a country, you don't know Sunni from Shia, you don’t know much about the economy, you're uninformed about women's health issues, you don't know whether you're for or against gay adoption, stem cell research or setting a timetable for withdrawal from Iraq, you don't know what countries share a border with Pakistan, you don't know when the surge began, you no longer object to waterboarding or closing Guantanamo, you don't tell the truth about your votes on veterans issues, you said Putin was the leader of Germany, you think alternative energy means switching from regular to premium, you say you know how to win wars but you haven't actually won any, your idea of a funny joke is suggesting different ways to kill people in other countries, you want to keep giving tax breaks to the wealthy but not the middle and lower class, you confuse Somalia with Sudan, you thought voting for the Iraq war was an exercise in good judgment, you once said "I disagree with what the majority of Americans want," you think Social Security is "a disgrace," your idea of health care is apparently 'take more vitamins,' you voted to support Bush's policies 95 percent of the time last year and 100 percent of the time this year, and over the course of a single week you unfairly attacked both your opponent's patriotism and his humanity...

Then tell me again, Senator McCain: why should Americans vote for you?

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Poll

Among Barack Obama's overseas stops, which would you most like to visit?

2%218 votes
5%498 votes
0%77 votes
6%523 votes
10%920 votes
22%1935 votes
30%2579 votes
20%1703 votes

| 8453 votes | Vote | Results

Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

Wed Jul 23, 2008 at 05:11:44 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Pop Quiz: Political History

Question 1: In a piece of CBS interview footage left on the cutting room floor, John McCain erroneously said that it's "just a matter of history" that the surge created the Anbar Awakening in Iraq. In making the gaffe McCain emulated which U.S. president more than the others?

a) William Howard Taft
b) George W. Bush
c) Richard Nixon
d) Franklin Pierce

Question 2: Barack Obama flies several thousand miles to visit U.S. troops in Iraq, Kuwait and Afghanistan, where he is greeted with wild cheers. At the same time, John McCain is driven by former President George H.W. Bush several hundred feet in a golf cart to hobnob with rich Republicans in Kennebunkport, where he is greeted with polite applause. A senior strategist from which party greeted the contrasting photo ops with, "We're fucked"?

a) The Republican party
b) The Democratic party
c) The Libertarian party

Question 3: John McCain has gone on the record as being both for and against stem cell research. What is his actual position?

a) For stem cell research
b) Against stem cell research
c) All of the above

Question 4: In the sentence, "The McCain campaign called America a 'nation of whiners' and John McCain violated security rules by revealing when Barack Obama would be flying to Iraq and the Iraqi prime minister approved of Barack Obama's withdrawal plan for Iraq," what part of speech is the word "and"?

a) Noun
b) Verb
c) 9/11
d) Conjunction

Question 5: In terms of internet usage, when does John McCain say he'll master the process of "getting on myself"?

a) A week
b) A month
c) Fairly soon
d) Never

Question 6: For how long did John McCain pause in a confused panic before trying to answer a question about insurance coverage for Viagra versus insurance coverage for birth control?

a) Nine seconds
b) Three seconds
c) Five seconds
d) One second

Question 7: How many times has Senator Jack Reed or Senator Chuck Hagel had to whisper a correction in Barack Obama's ear because he embarrassed America by saying something ignorant and false?

a) One
b) Zero
c) Six

Question 8: Who horrified medical professionals when he made a pledge in a major televised speech to "deliver bottled hot water to dehydrated babies"?

a) Jack Kevorkian
b) Barack Obama
c) John McCain
d) Emeril Lagasse

Question 9: How many reporters greeted John McCain when he flew into Manchester, New Hampshire Monday night?

a) 1
b) 4
c) 10
d) 13

 Question 10: Who exercised sound judgment in October, 2002 with this remark: "I don't oppose all wars. And I know that in this crowd today, there is no shortage of patriots, or of patriotism. What I am opposed to is a dumb war. What I am opposed to is a rash war. A war based not on reason but on passion, not on principle but on politics."

a) Trent Lott
b) Barack Obama
c) Joe Lieberman
d) John McCain

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Answers: 1. b  2. a  3. c  4. d  5. c  6. a  7. b  8. c  9. a  10. b

Next week: fractions!

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Poll

In grade school I...

75%4614 votes
10%641 votes
9%563 votes
4%270 votes

| 6088 votes | Vote | Results

Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

Tue Jul 22, 2008 at 06:01:06 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

I have nothing to say about Netroots Nation. Except...

The event was insanely well-organized and orderly, especially the anarchy workshop.

Austin was hot. An oppressive, prickly, stifling, blast-furnace heat that turned human hair into glass. But at least the humidity was in check.

In my swag bag I received a condom with a note on the wrapper that said, "Protect the U.S. Constitution." I wasn't aware that the founding fathers wrote it on a penis.

If we can ever figure out how to turn sweat into fuel, Al Gore will be able to power the planet for at least the next thirty years.

Lining the walls in the rotunda of the state capitol are portraits of former Texas governors. Ann Richards' portrait sits next to George W. Bush's. If I was in charge I'd put yellow police "CRIME SCENE: DO NOT CROSS" tape between them.

Political views aside, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom looks and sounds like he could be Joe Biden's baby brother.

The boxed lunches had names like "The Norwegian" and "The Wellington," but there was nothing labeled "The American." I guess they couldn't round up enough transfats in time.

Ninety percent of the discussions were "Chomsky this" and "Chomsky that" and "Chomsky's my BFF 4evuh." Not a word about our real hero, Jane Fonda.

If Code Pink's goal is to prevent people from wanting to join Code Pink, they're succeeding.

One of the horse-and-carriage drivers on 6th Street confirmed that liberals tip much better than conservatives. Picking up a Republican by the Governor's mansion virtually guarantees no bonus carrots for Bossie.

John Dean can catch flies with a pair of chopsticks. Richard Clarke can stop your heartbeat with his index finger. Paul Krugman has the nicest toes of any New York Times columnist. Don Siegelman is always the classiest guy in any room unless Jotter's there. Darcy Burner and Donna Edwards must be cloned forthwith. And if you meet Jim Hightower and don’t want to pinch his cheeks you're not human.

There was a right-wing "counter-conference" in Austin at the same time as Netroots Nation. It sucked so bad that Bob Barr came to our place instead and even Michelle Malkin closed her laptop and spent an afternoon pole dancing.

All the front-pagers are taller and sexier in person. Their eyes, however, are a bit distracting. Not just because they glow, but because they emit a low buzzing sound.

I promised a link to the site that sells the waving Obama watches so you wouldn’t steal mine off my wrist. Fair enough---here ya go.

The only person at the whole convention to actually pull my finger was Pastor Dan's five year-old son, Billy, so he wins the secret million dollar jackpot!

Travel tip: The shorter an airline pilot's turbulence message is, the worse the turbulence will be. If he turns on the Fasten Seat Belt sign and simply says, "Flight attendants take your seats," it would be a good time to put your affairs in order.

And finally, Patrick Beach of the Austin American-Statesman is so bad at snark that his parenthetical should be I-Suck.

What'd I miss around here? Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Poll

Based on what you've seen, does Barack Obama seem comfortable and competent on the world stage?

88%10154 votes
6%705 votes
0%98 votes
3%413 votes
1%120 votes

| 11490 votes | Vote | Results

Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

Tue Jul 15, 2008 at 04:46:46 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Funny?

Michael Shaw is "a Clinical Psychologist; an analyst of visual journalism; an interpreter of political images; and publisher of the political blog BAGnewsNotes."  Yesterday he offered some insight on why the latest New Yorker cover landed with such a clunk, including: "To give us an appreciation, or a sense of outrage, or even a poke at any truth this picture might contain...the illustration has to take us outside or beyond the manifest content here, and then show it to us again through a different window---be that a different context or a different point of view."

As it happens, the New Yorker kerfuffle comes at an opportune time for Shaw:

In my "ObamaPhobia" presentation at Netroots Nation next Saturday, I aim to show how various campaign images in the traditional media echo more extreme right-wing hate imagery---conveying Obama as a man with a covert, anti-American agenda, or a deliberate and calculated mastermind, or a closet Muslim and Islamic Manchurian candidate. In hitting the trifecta here, many will argue this illustration is simply a satiric representation of the sophomoric attacks being tossed at Obama from far right field.

If that's all there was to it, though, than why do I sense Rove is chortling tonight?

In the meantime, I keep revisiting the cover and asking myself, 'Why aren’t I hearing rimshots in my head? Why is there nothing on the page that feels like a trigger for a punchline? How come it doesn't say to me, In yer FACE, smear merchants?'

I think it's because there are too many people (including members of my partner's own family, not to mention twelve percent of the U.S. population at large) who will look at that illustration and say, "Yup...that's Osama, er, Obama. They sure nailed him---and his crazy wife, too."

In other words, there's nothing in that illustration to niggle at the conscience of the right-wingers who believe this crap. Instead it's an image they can---yet again---email to all their friends and neighbors and co-workers as a "cautionary tale" of what they believe will happen when Barack Obama moves in to the White House. It doesn't throw a wrench into their gears, it greases them. ("Look! Even The New Yorker gets it!") If it was truly satire (or parody or whatever), there would be something in the pic that would make them not want to pass it around.

Let me put it this way: when the McCain campaign calls it tasteless and offensive, you know Republicans are slapping their knees raw, having been handed another gift---this time courtesy of a liberal magazine---that'll just keep on giving.

Ha. Ha.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Poll

Who is going to win the All-Star Game tonight?

32%1888 votes
14%862 votes
52%3099 votes

| 5849 votes | Vote | Results

Cheers and Jeers: Monday

Mon Jul 14, 2008 at 04:26:14 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

The Guns of Billo Are Silent

One year ago this week, Bill O'Reilly unleashed a load of diaper pudding against DailyKos, our upcoming convention in Chicago, and a convention sponsor.

Ever the pillar of journalistic integrity, O'Reilly cherry-picked a few Kossack comments that hadn’t quite been troll-rated out of existence yet, and then took a six-month-old diary completely out of context to brand Daily Kos "a vicious far-left Web site," "one of the worst examples of hatred America has to offer," and all of us as "hate mongers." (Never mind that billoreilly.com contained hateful smear comments like this and this and this and this that were allowed to fester on his un-moderated site.  Some comments were so threatening that a writer at Huffington Post called in the Secret Service to investigate.

O'Reilly ended his July 16 Talking Points Memo with, "This isn't an ideological issue. If the company was sponsoring a David Duke convention, we'd do the same story. Hate is hate, no matter where it comes from."

Moments later he issued the coup de grace, telling guest Diane Brady of Business Week:

"This is hate of the worst order. It's like the Ku Klux Klan. It's like the Nazi party. There's no difference here!"

Bill O'Reilly had, out of the blue, declared war on us. It was like Christmas, Easter, Hannukah, Halloween, July 4th and our collective birthdays all rolled into one and smothered in gravy.

His tirades continued for two weeks to our great amusement (and thanks for the bump in traffic, Bill).  Then on Friday, July 27---six days before the convention, O'Reilly promised to drive "the final nail" into our coffin, "...but it is disturbing so be forewarned." The following Monday he revealed a "shocking" photo that caused even his hard-core viewers to bust a gut. This was his attempt to get the presidential candidates to drop out of attending Yearly Kos '07 and destroy the Great Orange Satan once and for all:

"I'm now going to show you a picture that was posted on the Kos website for almost a year. The picture is very offensive and you might want to change the channel right now. I'm only going to show this picture once, but it is necessary to demonstrate what kind of haters these Kos people are and why no politician should ever legitimize them." ...

[Click here if you dare]

"Finally, a word to the Democrats, who will speak at the Kos convention. That is a huge mistake. ... Associating with haters is not going to bring you credibility, and voters will not forget. And that's the 'Memo.'"

Immediately following what appeared to be his first brush with Photoshop, O'Reilly tried to pin down convention-goer Senator Chris Dodd...and got the tar kicked out of him.

Later, after our convention had proven to be a huge success, Stephen Colbert stepped into the fray to put it all in perspective:

Bill O'Reilly clip: [Daily Kos is] like the Ku Klux Klan. It's like the Nazi party.
Stephen Colbert: Exactly! The Ku Klux Klan and the Nazis were both notorious for allowing people to express unpopular views in an open and free forum.

Markos appeared on the show as Colbert demonstrated how comments work in bloggerland:

Colbert: Nation, I recently went undercover as a Daily Kos blogger, registering under the discreet name of "notstephencolbert". Now I’m going to log onto my account right now and expose just how hateful this website truly is. [Colbert types into his laptop] Hungarians are dirty ghoulies who wash in peanut oil. Heil health care!

And...post!

Now let’s see what’s on Daily Kos today ... Oh my God! Hungarians are dirty ghoulies! I can't read this on the air! This is unforgivable! Let’s get this straight to this---what do you have against the Hungarian people?

Markos: It’s called an open forum, it’s called democracy, and sometimes some idiots get on there and write things on Hungarians.

Alas, things are different this year. As we prepare for the Netroots Nation convention in Austin, Bill O'Reilly's mighty guns are silent. Apparently fighting a gaggle of bloggers who possess the combined evil of the Nazis and the KKK and the Hungarian ghoulies and even Al Capone and Benito Mussolini was too much for the most-watched host on cable news, his millions of followers, and the bottomless resources of his giant national TV network.

But I have to admit: Billo's tush looks kinda sexy when he's running away.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Poll

How do you eat corn on the cob?

63%5549 votes
18%1588 votes
11%983 votes
6%612 votes
0%50 votes

| 8782 votes | Vote | Results

Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

Fri Jul 11, 2008 at 04:18:22 PM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Late Night Snark...with 100% Humidity

"President Bush is now in Japan for the big G-8 summit, which is going on right now. The G-8 Summit is where the world's top economies get together. The bad news: we are no longer one of them. I wouldn't say the U.S. economy is doing bad, but you know how Bush got to Japan? Southwest."
---Jay Leno
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"On Fox News, Jesse Jackson was caught saying he wants to cut Barack Obama’s nuts off. This marks the nicest thing ever said about Barack Obama on Fox News."
---Conan O'Brien
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"In a 5-4 vote, the Supreme Court overturned Washington, DC's ban on handguns! Finally, the residents of Washington, DC have the right to defend themselves---from each other, one assumes. Writing for the majority, Justice Antonin Scalia said, 'It is not the role of this court to pronounce the Second Amendment extinct.' He is right. Killing the Constitution is the president's job. The court's job is to overturn elections."
---Stephen Colbert
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"Well, you know, Barack Obama, he's started a fashion craze in Italy. Italian designers have taken his look, and they're turning it into fashion. It's an amazing thing. But don't sell John McCain short. He's also influencing fashion. He has popularized the 'something on your chin' look."
---David Letterman
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And the headline of the week: Bush addresses the Italian prime minister in Spanish: "Amigo! Amigo!"

Hey, America! When you're thinking about which candidate to vote for in November, remember: Republicans invented the punch clock, Democrats invented the weekend. Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Poll

Who won the week?

10%999 votes
9%865 votes
0%74 votes
2%202 votes
19%1773 votes
7%735 votes
0%89 votes
33%3066 votes
6%589 votes
4%384 votes
5%512 votes

| 9288 votes | Vote | Results

Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

Thu Jul 10, 2008 at 05:43:42 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Dear Troops in Iraq and That Other Place,

Hi! How are you? Staying busy, we hope, and close to an air conditioner! It's hot here, too---don’t get us started, ha ha! Thank god for popsicles, eh?

We have some bad news, I'm afraid. As you may have heard, things aren’t very rosy here stateside. So we're sorry to report that we've collectively decided that the wars of freedom you're fighting over there have been bumped down a notch--or two--on our national list of problems and priorities. :(

Now, before you start feeling sorry for yourselves, let us explain why you're no longer our top priority. You see, we're hurting at the moment. Hurting pretty bad. It's tough to know where to start. The real estate market sucks, gas prices are forcing us to cut back on vacations, our 401(k)s are battered, we're losing our jobs and things are getting more expensive. As much as we know that shopping is the best way to fight terrorism, it's just getting harder to plunk down the plastic at Macy's. There's just "too much month left over at the end of the money," ha ha.

Thank goodness you're over there and don’t have to experience what we're going through over here. You still get to drive your Hummers---we're all selling our SUVs for pennies on the dollar and squeezing into Priuses. We wonder if you can even grasp the magnitude of our discomfort. If you do, then no doubt you're stomping your feet and yelling (as we are): "God dammit! Stop the insanity!" Some of us have even had to start riding bicycles again or doing that thing where you stand up and put one foot in front of the other.  (Warking? Wooking? Something like that.)

So please forgive us for turning our attention away from you men and women in uniform, but we've got our own problems here in the States. Don’t get us wrong, though. You're still doing a terrific job, and we promise to get back to you just as soon as our lives become a little more comfortable and cozy. We hear it could be as soon as 2010.

Huzzah to y'all, and if there's anything you can do to help us out with our struggles, please let your CO know. (Care packages stuffed with corn-based food products, salmonella-free tomatoes and some of the billions of dollars that Viceroy Bremer "lost" when he was in charge would be helpful, but all suggestions are welcome.)

Big hugs,

We The People
1/7th of whom can locate where you are on a map

P.S. You can also help us out big time by holding charity petroleum drives over there. We need oil and LOTS OF IT. Just stop what you’re doing this instant, start scooping up the crude with your helmets, and send it over in those big supply planes. For the love of God and Country, do it now. We NEED THE PRECIOUS JUICE!

P.P.S. Aunt Gladys is pregnant again.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Poll

Did somebody say popsicle?

8%619 votes
15%1124 votes
8%653 votes
2%200 votes
7%526 votes
9%693 votes
7%529 votes
3%259 votes
17%1289 votes
21%1567 votes

| 7459 votes | Vote | Results

Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

Wed Jul 09, 2008 at 04:41:11 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

A Century of VEEK-tory

One hundred years in Iraq would be "fine with me," said John McCain in January, "as long as Americans aren't being injured or harmed or wounded or killed." He said it so casually that you'd have thought his daughter had just asked if she could borrow the car keys. ("Yes, dear, as long as you're back by 10, re-fill the tank and promise you won't go over 25.")

If you listen to the warhawky cheerleaders, the "surge" is working miracles and violence is way down in Iraq. But 210 soldiers have still managed to lose their lives over there so far in 2008---this supposed Year of Kumbayah---and over 1,200 have been wounded. It's still extremely dangerous, and not even caped crusaders McCain, Graham and Lieberman could walk down a single street outside the Green Zone without body armor and a swarm of troops to protect them. (That's a TV reality show I'd tune in to watch: "Tonight on NBC! An all-new episode of So You're a Republican Senator and You Think You Can Walk To A Baghdad Market Alone?)

But it's a pointless debate. McCain is "fine" with us being in Iraq for a hundred years whether we're getting blown up there or not, or even whether the Iraqis want us there or not (he knows what's good for 'em better than they do). So, to give you a little perspective on what 100 years actually feels like, let's pretend we invaded in 1903 instead of 2003. This is what we'd be looking back on as we marked our, um, "Victory Centennial":

Music was played on wax cylinders
Boston beat Pittsburgh in the first World Series
Ford Motor Company was founded (The Model 'A' cost $850)
Teddy Roosevelt was president and the Teddy bear was introduced
The Teamsters Union was formed
The Wright Brothers made their first flight at Kitty Hawk
A teacher made an average of $358 a year
The Pulitzer Prizes were handed out for the first time
A loaf of bread was a nickel and a pound of coffee was 13 cents
Federal spending totaled $0.52 billion
Bob Hope, George Orwell and Lou Gehrig were born (John McCain's 96 year-old mom wasn't even a gleam in her pappy's eye yet).
Pope Leo XIII died.

I wonder what will folks say about us when they look back a century in the year 2103. I'm thinking it'll sound something like, "Og! Og!!" I'm almost positive that's not a compliment.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Poll

Do you believe there will be a time when American troops will stop being killed and injured in Iraq while we're there?

2%233 votes
2%242 votes
1%98 votes
36%2979 votes
56%4575 votes

| 8127 votes | Vote | Results

Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

Tue Jul 08, 2008 at 04:20:16 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

"First Choice"

That's the name of a political TV ad starring John McCain. Powerful stuff:

"America is under attack by depraved enemies who oppose our every interest and hate every value we hold dear.

It is the great test of our generation and he has led with great moral clarity and firm resolve. He has not wavered, he has not flinched from the hard choices, he was determined and remains determined to make this world a better, safer, freer place.  He deserves not only our support but our admiration."

It even ends with a hug.

You really should watch it. It's a textbook example of how to position a candidate with judgment. As in, very very very very very poor judgment.

Oh look, a maverick balloon!  [POP!!!]

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Poll

If you broke the law, would you be able to pay members of Congress a bunch of money so they'd grant you retroactive immunity?

7%486 votes
22%1407 votes
67%4182 votes
1%85 votes

| 6160 votes | Vote | Results

Cheers and Jeers: Mutton & Hard Cider FRIDAY!

Fri Jul 04, 2008 at 06:15:06 AM PDT

From the MASSACHUSETTS-ANNEXED FRONTIER TERRITORY OF MAINE...

The Declaration of Independence: Brittle Parchment of Liberty

If you are going to sever ties to your Commonwealth through bloody struggle, it is considered polite to write down why. Nobody wants to get three years into a revolution only to realize the whole thing was a Three’s Company-esque misunderstanding. The Declaration of Independence was the laundry list of grievances stating America’s case for freedom. Its accusations against the King ranged from egregious ("He has plundered our seas, burnt our towns and ravaged the lives of our people") to the trifling ("Sometimes when he sees us at a party he acts like he doesn’t know us"). But proud men would not take up arms against the Crown solely because the King had "erected a multitude of new offices." The authors of the Declaration knew they would also have to appeal to man’s higher nature, to stir men’s souls. They needed something with some zazz. Enter a hot-shot tobacco executive from Virginia, Thomas Jefferson.

His task would be to synthesize the unique brand message of America down to something that would captivate the hard to reach "12-28 ragtag militia" demographic, all the while not offending traditional "Butterchurn Moms." His first attempt at a Preamble was:

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AMERICA. A is for All the tea they taxed. M is for the Minutemen they shellaxed..."
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It tested poorly. But his rewrite would be win-win:

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"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
-

In a scant 35 words, Jefferson had given the nation the kind of positive brand identity that tendered moot the issue of whether or not we had to live up to its ideals. Still, knowing the inherent contradiction between their noble words and the reality of a slave-owning nation, Jefferson and the Founders wisely decided to strike from the Declaration of Independence the phrase "or your money back."

---From America (The Book): A Citizen’s Guide to Democracy Inaction

Happy 232nd Birthday, America, We The People luv ya.  Cheers and Jeers starts in the Commonwealth of There's Moreville... [Washington's sword: Swoosh!!]  RIGHTNOW!  [Liberty Bell: Gong!!]

Poll

Who would you rather have an ale with?

25%3199 votes
3%476 votes
1%196 votes
3%465 votes
6%793 votes
45%5613 votes
8%1102 votes
0%82 votes
3%389 votes

| 12315 votes | Vote | Results

Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

Thu Jul 03, 2008 at 04:49:34 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Dear Bill: Is there a method to winning a political argument online?  S.L., South Bend

Dear S.L.:  Try this:

You always You never You should You must You shouldn't You mustn't. Why can't you Why don’t you Why aren't you Why didn’t you How could you? You suck You blow You lie You have no idea. You ignoramus You jerk You Ass You partisan hack. You're lying You're cheating You're distorting You're asking for it. You're out of your mind You’re out of your league You’re out of your tree You're out of your gourd. You’re off your rocker You're off your meds You're off the reservation. You're wrong You're stupid You're ignorant You're mental You're full of shit. You're an automaton You're a bomb-thrower You’re a water carrier You're a Kool Aid drinker You're a hack You're a loser You're a prick. You've got blinders on You've got no sense You've got spittle on your chin You've got your head up your ass. You disgust me You repulse me You disappoint me You make me want to puke. You’re talking in circles You're talking in riddles You’re talking in gibberish You're talking trash You're talking like a two year old. You can go to hell You can kiss my ass You can leave You can take your shit to another blog. I'm warning you I'm telling you I'm advising you I'm this close to troll-rating you. I'm sick of your crap I'm sick of your attitude I'm sick of your comments I'm sick of your emails I'm sick of your purity. Mine's better, smarter, faster, more organized, more effective and more experienced than yours, whatever it is. I say so I know so I was there I heard it from the horse's mouth I saw it on the internet I found it on Wikipedia I have a friend who took a class I got it from Fox News I read a press release from my congressman. Knock it off Cut it out Get a clue Do your homework. Clearly you don’t  understand Clearly you don’t listen Clearly you don’t get it Clearly you haven’t tried it Clearly you weren't old enough at the time Clearly you're out of touch Clearly you're running around with the wrong crowd Clearly you want us to lose. One more word One more peep One more comment One more outburst One more syllable and you'll regret it. Don’t give me that attitude Don’t play that card Don’t change the subject Don't act so surprised Don’t be so stupid. Go to hell Go pound sand Go back to your mommy Go screw yourself Go to Little Green Footballs. I'm sick of you I loathe you I hope you get what's coming to you, crybaby.

And then add: "With all due respect." Bingo---you win.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Poll

Favorite summertime backyard activity?

3%214 votes
4%295 votes
0%36 votes
5%322 votes
4%285 votes
3%193 votes
15%923 votes
17%1055 votes
8%505 votes
36%2210 votes

| 6038 votes | Vote | Results

Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

Wed Jul 02, 2008 at 04:34:26 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Me of Little Faith

Don’t let the title fool you.  Comedian Lewis Black comes off as curious and open-minded about religion and spirituality (including eyebrow-raising brushes with psychics and miracles) in his new book, which debuted in the top 10 on the New York Times bestseller list and has hovered there for three weeks. But he also isn't afraid to call bullshit when he sees it.

Noting the recent glut of pro- and anti-religion bestsellers, Black says he wrote Me of Little Faith "Because I think [religion] is taken too seriously, and anything that takes itself too seriously is open to ridicule." At the same time, it's "a book about my own relationship with religion, where my---dare I say it?---spiritual journey has taken me." Over the course of 237 pages, Black spouts off about Jews, Christians, Mormons, televangelists, the Amish, the rapture, creationism, reincarnation, and Heaven...which may or may not be a golf course. And yes, the F-word is used liberally throughout, because "it's not really a word to me, it's a comma."

He also targets religion in politics, including this:

I have never given a shit what religion the president is. He could worship a can of peas for all I care. I just want him to be good at what we elected him to do, which is to lead the United States of America. ...

Of course, if the president is going to be really religious, it would be nice to know that up front, before we elect him. For instance, it would have been helpful to know that Bush the Younger was going to view himself as God's hammer. That's the kind of information I consider important.

I guess the lesson we learned with this administration---or at least that some of us have learned---is to watch when the son of a bitch keeps blowing the religious horn. Maybe we could have convinced him he would have been happier as a preacher instead of the leader of the free world.

I know I would have been.

It's a quick, funny read that makes ya think. And if you don’t buy it you may not get into Heaven.

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Poll

Will Bush get a bounce in the polls before he leaves office?

9%1092 votes
3%454 votes
2%255 votes
48%5598 votes
33%3818 votes
2%240 votes

| 11457 votes | Vote | Results

Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

Tue Jul 01, 2008 at 04:18:16 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Troubling

The FISA bill---now resting comfortably in a shoebox in Harry Reid's office---contains an odd section (#110 to be precise) that redefines the meaning of "Weapons of Mass Destruction." Said Mcjoan last week:

I wonder how many Senators blithely casting their lot with this bill realize that they're redefining warfare.

There's every chance that the immunity provisions in the bill are unconstitutional. But Congress doesn't know because no Judiciary Committee hearings were held to vet that portion of the bill. Nor were any Defense Committee hearings held to vet this WMD provision.

That's what happens when the oversight muscle of Congress becomes so atrophied. They don't even conduct oversight of themselves. And they don't know what they're voting for.

This is troubling to say the least. So in the interest of shedding light on other components of the FISA bill that have nothing to do with FISA, I tore into the guts of it over the weekend. Here's what else I found:

SEC. 85. HARVEY WALLBANGER
(1) Redefined to replace Vodka with single malt scotch.
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SEC. 92. LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS
(1) A "LOVELY BUNCH" shall consist of (a) no less than three, but (b) no more than seven coconuts. (2) Penalty for violation is a maximum of (a) Three years in federal prison, (b) a $10,000 fine, and/or (c) rendition.
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SEC. 125. HONEY, WHILE YOU'RE AT THE STORE
(1) Please get (a) Milk, with (a1) no more than two percent milkfat and (a2) no growth hormone,  (b) Eggs, (c) Curry powder, (d) All-Bran, without (d1) raisins, but with (d2) extra fiber, (e) Chicken, without (e1) the skin, and (e2) the bones, (f) Chiclets. (2) Be sure you write it down somewhere so you don’t forget it, because you always forget stuff when you don't write it down.
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SEC 141. IKEA FURNITURE
(1) All IKEA furniture shall (a) come packed in a cardboard box just large enough to not fit into a standard-size vehicle, (b) come with a minimum of 89 loose parts, including (b1) a minimum of three missing parts that are considered (b1a) critical to the structural integrity of the piece, and (b2) a minimum of eight parts that belong to an entirely different model altogether.
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SEC. 155. THE LONELIEST NUMBER
(1) One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do. (2) In certain situations two can be as bad as one because (2a) its the loneliest number since the number one.
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SEC. 172. CONGRESSIONAL OVERSIGHT
(1) One day each year, members of (a) The United States House of Representatives, and (b) The United States Senate shall be granted exclusive access to the top of the Washington Monument for (c) twenty four hours to (d) throw eggs at tourists and/or (e) drop watermelons to watch them explode on the sidewalk below. (2) When people complain we'll blame the Park Service.
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SEC. 198. DRESS CODE
(1) All visitors to the Capitol Building, excluding (a) Members of Congress, (b) Their guests, (c) Capitol Building employees, and (d) Delivery drivers and/or couriers, must wear approved hospital gowns and submit to random probes in the 'ol rotunda. (2) If ya know what I mean.
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SEC. 203. AVIARY SCIENCE
(1) The egg came first. (2) And that's final.

Just as I thought. They're nuts.

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Poll

General Wes Clark's comments about John McCain on Face the Nation were...

46%6253 votes
46%6273 votes
5%745 votes
1%141 votes

| 13412 votes | Vote | Results

Cheers and Jeers: Monday

Mon Jun 30, 2008 at 04:15:07 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Monday Morning Freedom Toast with Jerome

For most Kossacks, Jerome a Paris needs no introduction. His economic and environmental columns are an almost daily fixture on the recommended diaries list. Like Lafayette in our War of Independence, Jerome is a valuable---nay, crucial---ally in the war on conservative ignorance and deception. This morning he's the latest victim in our never-ending series, Yes, We're All Staring At YOU!

C&J: How long have you been blogging at Daily Kos and what attracted you to it?
Jerome a Paris: I registered in the summer of 2004 but did not become a full-fledged Kossack until a few months later. I really started participating in blogs on Billmon's now defunct Whiskey Bar, and I helped organise the community of the "barflies" when Billmon closed the comments over there---together with SusanG and others, we tried to set up an alternative site to keep the discussions going. Moon of Alabama, built by Bernhard, is still around to this day; I started posting front page stories there, and somehow got around to cross-posting them on dKos on a regular basis. I guess it was attractive to get a lot of feedback---although 30 comments then was a huge number! In 2005, it was still possible to post two diaries per day, and I did that quite often. I started writing regularly pretty much at the time my son got sick, but I've never been able to know if there was a link between the two---a need to share, maybe? Anyway, I've had the privilege of often enjoying a place on the recommended list, and I keep trying to live up to the high standards of the community.

France was so supportive of us after the attacks of 9/11. But when you guys didn’t go along with us on Iraq, the Republicans here couldn’t find enough ways to insult your country. To this day they continue to mock France. Is there anything you'd like to say to them on behalf of yourself and/or your nation?
You know, we have the perfect answer to that: it's called the Gallic shrug. Watch me:

[shrug]

But, to tell you the truth, the level of the vitriol we saw in the US about the French was unusual only in that it came from across the Atlantic rather than from across the Channel: we get that all the time from the Brits, but didn't expect you guys to be jealous too. It's very flattering to get all that attention for an insignificant, declining nation.

What kind of music makes you feel invincible to the evildoers who walk among us?
Musette and Drums, by Cocteau Twins.

Finish this sentence: In the kitchen I make a mean...
Pasta with eggs. I don't like to cook, but this somehow works. People scoff when I tell them what it is (pasta with eggs, plus grated cheese), but they all grudgingly admit that they enjoy it!

You're a founding father of the European Tribune blog. For readers who might not know about it, what do y'all do over there?
Well, the goal was to create a European version of DailyKos, but it's hard to unite the politics of the continent when they're split up in so many national debates, in so many languages and with such different histories and traditions. We've nevertheless managed to gather a fair number of Europeans and Americans (a good chunk of the readership is still made of Kossacks) to join in what are pretty wonky debates. There's a lot of deconstructing the neoliberal common wisdom (as spouted by the business press and repeated by pundits and politicians---if that sounds familiar, well, it is), following EU stuff, and discussing energy and sustainability issues. We have some great "object" blogging (trains, bridges, clocks, photography) as well as an irreplaceable press review provided every day by Fran with clockwork reliability from (where else?) Switzerland. I'm continually amazed by the quality of the comments on ET.

And of course, it's been the birthplace of the "Anglo Disease", the "Countdown to $100 oil" and other unserious series (we spend a lot of time fighting the "serious" people who seem to be wrong a little bit too often...)

And while we're talking about my blogs, allow me a plug for the Oil Drum, one of the best sites to find information and commentary about energy, where I have the honor of being a Contributing Editor.

France, it seems, has more nuclear power plants than bakeries. It all seems to work well and the people don’t mind getting most of their energy from nuclear. In your opinion should America go "nukular"?
As I've written many times, the order of priority should be 1) energy savings & efficiency, 2) renewables, 3) nuclear, 4) traditional thermal power. As my regular readers know, I push wind, both online and in real life, as I finance the industry. But I'm also mildy supportive of nuclear---with one big proviso: I think it should be State-run and State-financed. The State will always bear the ultimate responsibility for (very) long term waste management and any catastrophic accident, and thus it should benefit from the revenues the industry can generate. Also, given that the cost of electricity is highly sensitive to interest rates, it will always be much cheaper if paid for by government. The French did it right, and it works: it's well-run, cheap and safe. Of course you need to trust the government to be able to do it right.

But thankfully, we do have a few more bakeries than nuclear plants, still. You can eat good bread in lots of places around the world, but there's nothing like a warm croissant or crisp baguette right out of a Parisian bakery...

What do you do for fun when you're not blogging?
"Not blogging"? What is this strange concept you're talking about? Oh, you mean, family, wind farms, food, sleep?

Interestingly though, I get so much useful information for my work from the blogs that the distinction is sometimes hard to make between what's part of my professional life and what isn't. I have been contacted by one of the biggest wind turbine manufacturers via my blog, and now we're seriously discussing financing options. I get invited to conferences because of what people have read on the blogs - but they send the invitation to me in my professional capacity. It can create interesting situations... I do take care to always make clear whether I am acting in a personal or professional capacity, and not to mix the two, but I'm not hiding anything either. My bosses have been remarkably tolerant of my second life---but then again it does not harm my work, quite the opposite, I think (I recognize I'm also privileged to have a job where what I do is pretty much aligned with what I believe in as a citizen)

No waffling here: dogs or cats?
I don't like pets. However, I was forced to give in and we now have 2 cats at home. I could not have tolerated a dog, so I suppose the answer is cats. But the cats are here on the strict condition that I never have to take care of them. They seem to tolerate me ok.

You're well aware of the often spineless things the Democratic leadership does here in the U.S Congress. Does the left-wing suffer from that same self-destructive tendency in France, and are the conservatives as ruthless and dishonest as they are here?
Well, Sarkozy is certainly as ruthless and dishonest. He has perfected, like Blair before him, the art of spin. Combined with his Chirac-like combination of competence to run campaign and incompetence (or disinterest) to actually run the country, and adding his fawning for Bush, I can't say I'm pleased with our current president. Also, he was elected by running on a hard-right anti-immigrant, tough guy line: i.e. to steal Le Pen's voters, he stole his policies. But our left has been surprisingly ineffective, indeed, mired in infighting (conflicting personal ambitions which led to a lack of support for Ségolène Royal in the last presidency) and tempted, a bit too often, by triangulation in discourse. It's a pity, because the last left-wing government, that of Jospin in 1997-2002, was one of the best we ever had, and it did a lot of good things. 9/11 played a role, by allowing fearmongering to dominate the 2002 presidential election and lead to the trauma of Le Pen beating Jospin to the second round against Chirac. The left has still not overcome that episode.

Who is France rooting for in the upcoming election and why?
The French would root for a dog as long as it's not George W. Bush. But there seems to be genuine enthusiasm for Obama. People are really keen to see sanity return to Washington. It won't solve all problems and resolve all disagreements, but at least it will open the door again to the possibility that Washington may be part of the solution rather than (part of) the problem.

I have one question left, but I need to go butter my "freedom toast."  Please ask and answer the final question yourself...

Calvin famously said: "I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it." Is that what being French is, too? Is that why you hate America?

[shrug]

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Poll

How much did your economic stimulus check help you?

2%202 votes
5%470 votes
38%3214 votes
24%2011 votes
25%2128 votes
3%322 votes

| 8347 votes | Vote | Results

Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

Fri Jun 27, 2008 at 04:45:04 PM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Friday Carlin:

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, Y'know, I want to set those people over there on fire but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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Viruses, mold, mildew, maggots, fungus, weeds, the e-coli bacteria, the crabs...nothing sacred about those things. So, at best, the sanctity of life is kind of a selective thing. We get to choose which forms of life we feel are sacred, and we get to kill the rest. Pretty neat deal, huh? You know how we got it? We made the whole fucking thing up!
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Human beings are kind of interesting from birth until they reach the age of a year and a half. Then they are boring until they reach fifty. By that time they're either completely defeated and fucked up, which makes them interesting again, or they've learned how to beat the game, and that makes them interesting too.
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If crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
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I distinguish between maniacs and crazy people. A maniac will beat nine people to death with a steel dildo. A crazy person will beat nine people to death with a steel dildo, but he'll be wearing a Bugs Bunny suit at the time.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter.
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Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big.
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If you love someone, set them free; if they come home, set them on fire.
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We're all fucked. It helps to remember that.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Funny, I just got a pop-up message from my spellchecker: "Frisbeetarianism? Oh, right...Carlin. Carry on."

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Poll

Who won the week?

3%325 votes
12%1253 votes
4%513 votes
8%887 votes
31%3263 votes
0%92 votes
8%871 votes
1%199 votes
16%1771 votes
9%991 votes
2%255 votes

| 10420 votes | Vote | Results

Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

Thu Jun 26, 2008 at 05:05:51 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Dear President Bush,

It's been awhile since we talked. Just busy, I guess.

Anyway, I want to Congratulate you. You win. In fact, you win big-time. It's time for me to admit it: you came, you saw, you kicked ass.

Over the course of the past seven and a half years, you and your wingman Dick Cheney have gotten virtually everything you demanded, much if it without a fight. You used a national tragedy to clamp down on Americans' civil liberties and launch a war against a country that neither caused that tragedy nor threatened us at all. You pretty much halted government-supported scientific research and environmental protection in their tracks. You did nothing to solve the health care crisis. You politicized the Justice Department. You worked hard to breach the church-state levee in the government, and then played patty-cake while the real levees collapsed into countless people's back yards. You gave big business (especially big oil, big finance and big military-industrial complex) free reign to "self-police." You made your elite base very, very rich, while using your shiny lapel pin to awe-strike your poorer, more ignorant base.

I mean, you are so talented that you even managed to break the Census Bureau. My gosh, even Reagan couldn’t figure out how to do that.

And through it all you avoided repercussions. Even losing GOP House and Senate majorities hasn’t slowed you down much. There's so much raw evidence to impeach your ass that it would be as easy as Dick Cheney shooting a lawyer in the face. The rap sheet is a mile long. Yet you remain 100 percent unscathed, threatened by nothing more than a pretzel getting stuck in your craw. That's amazing. My peasant hat is off to you.

Seriously, all you've "suffered" (if you can call it that) is low approval ratings. Big deal. As long as you have your 25 percent "base" that thinks you walk on water, you can do anything you want. Smirk. Dance. Ride your bike. Wave. Swagger. Intimidate the Democratic leadership with the word "Boo!", beat the traditional media so senseless that when you say "jump" they put on rocket shoes and blast off for the stratosphere. Smirk some more. Clear some more brush. Hell, you can do pretty much anything you damn well please.

So, sincerely: congratulations. You may have wrecked the country and your party, but so what? You got everything that you, George W. Bush, wanted out of your time in office. You should have no regrets, since you telescoped your intentions to everyone well in advance (yes, even back in school). And in seven months you'll retire and open up a Texas-size think tank disguised as a presidential library that will perpetuate your propaganda and your policies. ("Oh look, Heritage Foundation...you have a baby brother!")

Many will say your administration was a failure, but that only works if they're thinking about the welfare of the country and its 300 million citizens. Your presidency was never about them (just ask the Supreme Court)---it was about you taking care of your circle of rich, power-hungry, war-mad cronies while simultaneously setting out to prove how much the federal government can suck. On that score, you may indeed be the best president ever.

Love, Billy

P.S. Hugs to Laura and the twins.

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Poll

Your current overall approval rating of Barack Obama is:

10%1602 votes
29%4260 votes
25%3807 votes
13%2047 votes
6%937 votes
4%647 votes
2%302 votes
6%932 votes
0%130 votes

| 14664 votes | Vote | Results

Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

Wed Jun 25, 2008 at 05:56:39 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Supporting the invisible troops

Oh, there's still wars going on? Gee, you'd never know it from the two minutes a week the networks devote to it:

According to data compiled by Andrew Tyndall, a television consultant who monitors the three network evening newscasts, coverage of Iraq has been "massively scaled back this year." Almost halfway into 2008, the three newscasts have shown 181 weekday minutes of Iraq coverage, compared with 1,157 minutes for all of 2007.

Frank Rich adds:

The only problem is that no news from Iraq isn’t good news---it’s no news. The night of the Baghdad bombing [in which 51 people died] the CBS war correspondent Lara Logan appeared as Jon Stewart’s guest on "The Daily Show" to lament the vanishing television coverage and the even steeper falloff in viewer interest.

Just to refresh everyone's memory, we have about 142,000 soldiers over there (plus 32,000 in Afghanistan), keeping their collective finger in the Freedom Dike, waiting as the Iraqi government hems and haws and sips tea on its way to exerting some semblance of control...control that is still frustratingly elusive five years after we invaded. Says Lt. General Lloyd Austin: "There are no areas ... that we would be willing to separate out right now to dedicate specifically to the Iraqi security forces. We've been clear about saying that they're not there, yet."

And so our men and women in uniform patrol streets and neighborhoods. And build stuff. And repair stuff. And teach the Iraqis which end of the gun is the business end. And serve as ambassadors and referees. And guard things and search things. And sit around. And eat shitty food. And hope they don’t get electrocuted in KBR's showers or get poisoned by KBR's water. And be bored out of their frigging minds. And wonder when they'll get new underwear and socks.

Yeah. The Bush crew is a little stingy on providing the finest fighting force in the world with underwear and socks and lots of other things they need to feel semi-human over there. So as soon as I publish C&J today, I'm giving a hundred bucks to Netroots for the Troops (NFTT), whose goal is "to put together and ship 101 care packages to American soldiers currently serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, supplying them with everyday sundries---including work gloves, phone cards, underwear and protein bars---that the government refuses to provide them, despite spending billions of dollars a week." The packages will be assembled and sent from the Netroots Nation convention in Austin.

Financially, the goal is to raise $10,000, and we're so close to achieving it that a little nudge from you and me today will put 'em over the top. If you're not in a position to donate at the moment, click here for some easy no-cost things you can do to help make this cool-as-beans community project (to which other progressive blogs have pitched in, too) a success. It won't bring them home, but it'll bring a little home to them.

Oh, by the way, I checked the forecast highs for Baghdad over the next week: 113°, 115°, 116°, 113°, 109°, 111°, 110°. So in addition to the phone cards and baby wipes and CDs, let's be sure to toss in a few 'o these.

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Poll

Barack Obama's plan to bring our combat brigades home from Iraq within 16 months of his inauguration is: